Thursday, June 30, 2011

Poem without words

I have been planning to blog since a very long time now, but i guess in my case, it is always a Bad day which makes me slow down a bit and chew on the fast paced otherwise exciting life I am living. So, the question arises, is my life exciting? is it really fast paced? eh.. well it is not, but it is fast enough to make a lazy bum like me to run to catch up with it. So, you would ask what happened this time, to fill you in, there was a post in between these which I had written on How my fairy like sitcom at home is just a soap bubble. It was so depressing that I just couldn't put it on this blog, where I am a perfect girl and nothing sad can as much as even touch me. So, I posted it on my private blog. O yes, i have too many blog, for even me to remember them all.
Why do I keep these many blog?
I consider myself as chaos, which has no direction and all directions at the same time. Like how this particular post was going to be about what I did so far and Why is it one of the bad days, but instead, i opted a completely different track altogether. It is so difficult for me to just stick to one track. And to think about it, this is what makes me special, ( yea, I keep praising myself on my own, it's better than expecting other to do so, and it works, in case you are wondering).
So, I guess, lets go step by step from here on. There is so much to talk about.
The first salary promise
The other day "aur" asked me, if i have written any thing about my first salary on the blog. N i was like, I haven't. Well, my first salary was again something for which i had done a lot of planning. When i was in engineering, i had planned to save half of my salary every month. I had always planned to buy something special for mum-dad-bhai. During the first month of job, i used to make lists on sticky notes, of things that i want to buy from my first salary. But i didn't do any of those. Instead I did something which was the part of my perfect dream, every girl's perfect dream. I invaded a mall and bought anything and everything that i could get my hands on. I went totally crazy. I am always guilty after shopping, but not this one time. I was this crazy child, who now had all the balloons from the balloon guy and she was running all over the place while holding the strings of those high rising helium balloons of all possible colors, really close to her heart. Thank you, who so ever you are, who is taking care of me. Thank you so much.
Though there are few things, i still have to do, like buy my mum anything she keeps a finger on. and buy all kinds of gadgets for my brother. But i never get to decide what should I gift my dad... he is one person who says, just my smile is enough for him, n means it...
But there are still several things which I wanted to do, and I did... like i had promised to by a Krishna's idol, and I did. I wanted to give a rs. 500 note to someone needy, and i did. That day was one when I was not a coward, if only for a day. And then, when i was a kid, I so loved those people who used to bring chocolates for me, and I had promised myself to add these little chocolate treats to the life of people I know/ don't know. So, you might find me treating an autowala (the kind i used to curse before) with a Pan or an Ice-cream. Have I changed? No, I am doing so, because now i can. And this is for a girl in Pune, who taught me how to be good to people, I hope even i had taught her something, I hope even she remembers me.
People who read this blog
Well as i said, I wanted it to be a secret blog, where you could read the story of an unknown girl in an unknown city, just like a story, only this time she is for real. Like how when u read a story then you so want to meet those characters. i wanted the same thing here, but then, as usual i gave link of this blog to 'aur' and 'nub' and 'nub' gave it further to 'ani'. 'ani' says my blogs are happy blogs... i don't know if they are so, all i know is, these are my footprints in time and one day i know some one will track them back. I always wanted to leave clues for someone, to look for a treasure. It's only in this moment i realized that, my life is the treasure and clues for the same are all over my country.. the internet. Catch me if you can!
So, I was thinking that as now, people who know me are reading my blog, so will the things that i want to say, change in any way? I have written plenty and I don't think so... though now the strings are in my hand. Like how i can make them look for themselves in one of these posts. Give them a hidden treasure once and then give them rocks the next time. I am a b!tch. But then... I am one! ;)
List of things to do (before i get 28)

I have no clue why most of the people go for a Things to do before they die list.. i mean, these are the last moment things I might do in case I get to know that i am dying. I mean, why we wanna wait until the time we are actually dying to do all that we love to do. Why don't we do it, while we are living. Some time sooner, like today?
Recently a friend of mine 'pas' came over to Hyderabad, to meet me. The day when we two were sitting in F lounge and having a chat over Glen Fiditch at like 11 in the night, I felt as if i was living my dream. Like how i am independent and can go out with friends at late at night, can order anything and everything I want without counting the coins in my pockets. it was again a social night, where you are having food with drinks like sophisticated people do unlike Drink-to-get-drunk parties that we so long to have - but never had in our teens. I guess I missed the phase where i would have gone clubbing, wearing those short party dresses and would have flirt with someone on the bar, just for the heck of it. I have missed that growing up phase of mine, we'll talk about it in next section. So, the night 'pas' was here, spent all night watching a movie, listening to music, having long conversations over a cup of coffee at 3 am in the awesome balcony and during the course of the same, we created this "things to do before she dies list". Most of it is "pas", and I am there in bits and pieces. but I completely loved the list. The tittle says "She" because it is the list of a girl which every girl wants to be at least once. Yea, it's very Corney but I'll post the list here anyways.
I always had certain things in my head which i wanted to do once i get older, and now i think i am old enough and I should already start doing all these things. A small peek into the list of things that "any" wants to do goes like--
a. To start a blog with secret identity which get famous.
b. To start a cafe of her own.
c. To start a firm which deals into innovative gifts.
d. To write my auto-biography
e. To release a song of my own
f. To roam around the world clicking pictures, meeting new people, learning their culture, their language, their history.
g. To do the marketing for "ard"'s plan and make it happen
h. To start "dial-a-chef" with "pas"
i. To own an island with "pas' at the age of 28 and spend a month there just lazying on a hammock.
And I want all of it to HAPPEN!
The sitcom fairy tale
I have a bad habit (duh, i know i got several of them, but this is important), when ever i start feeling comfortable with someone, i start behaving like a kid and start showing tantrums. I take them for granted and abuse their love and care for me. And most of the times I end up pissing and losing the ones whom I actually love. Coz they fail to see it that I can do so, coz i love them so much. I love to hurt, coz then i'll know, if you can take my hurt, you can handle my love. My love hurts and it hurts me the most. So, here it is what happened this time... remember that "secret depressing post" that i was talking about in the beginning? Yea, so this flatmate of mine "hri" who is kinda sweet and with whom everyone wants to be friends with. We got along really well, atleast I thought so. but then last night i managed to piss her off. All i did was, drop a little water on her (and her laptop). And she told me to "grow up". This is one of my most hated comments. When i was a kid, i hated it when people asked me to "Behave myself". I know i am causing inconvenience to them but I am doing so, because I think I love them enough to trouble them. I know, i am unrealistic, crappy, troublesome, childish, immature self, but i want to be this way. i don't want to grow up. Why can't you accept me as i am, why i have to grow up for you to like me?
I know it's not a big deal, i know it won't last long... but we haven't talked abhi tak, and she have already asked me to grow up.
You know what was the biggest shock of my life? Well it was when I turned 22 and i realized am not a kid any more... You know how hard it was for me? Those wonderland which were only mine, I am not allowed to visit them any more. Peter stopped talking to me, because he says I am not the same person anymore... I am like them. Does being responsible means i should laugh less because that's doesn't suits a lady. Stop dreaming, because life is not easy. i am sorry, i am not doing that, even though i love you and I might lose you. Take me or leave me.
The corporate culture
To make this blog more organized, i had written tittles of things i want to write in this blog. But right i now, totally can't say what i wanted to write under this one. Was it something about, how everything is going good with my work, or what it about how close I am to become Icarus by flying too high that I might burn my features soon. Or may be it was about, how a little mis-communication on my part leaded to a strom in a teacup. I was always like, personal and professional relationships are always one. You can not keep them separate. i wanted to put the same theory into practice, but it is not working for me as of now. Chuck it!
Bad boss in a cape
If you got the hang of tittle, then i'll let you know, you got it right! So, this fight I was talking about which i managed to start in the office, well one good thing came out of it. Well, it was my fault (nothing serious, i could have managed) and this bad boss of mine got hold of this superhero cape from somewhere and stood in front of me to take all the heat (though un-required but it was a sweet gesture). i was happily surprised. So, has my bad boss gone good? Well no as Aamir Khan says, "perfection ko improve karna mushkil hota hai". and in my words "After everything, he still remains my boss right? and it gives me all the rights to treat him like one" :P. Then he took all of us to coffee today, nah not coffee day, just pass wala thela, but he made an effort none-the-less. So, do i smell change in the air? umm... not yet ;)
The Cheer-me-up-Pizza-Date
So, after a bad day, i thought of cheering myself up. So, i called up "nub" and fixed a pizza date. He in Lucknow and I in Hyderabad. At 7 he started from his place and i from my office. i reached this pizza place in Hyderabad, where I waited by talking to "amr" on phone while he reaches the pizza place in Lucknow. We ordered our drinks, and same pizza and all this time for like 1.5 hours both of us were on phone, having a conversation, like we always do over food. we had an amazing pizza dinner together and then we left for our homes in our respective cities. It was super fun. i know it's crazy, but that is me.
it's 2.30 am... I should sleep now... i hope it would be normal between "hri" n I till my next post.

till then enjoy

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